Pilot Peter • Finale, Part 2
Chris wasn’t kidding, this really was the most dramatic finale, ever.
Welcome to the most emotionally exhausting finale ever. I felt like I needed a Gatorade afterwards…everything from picture in a picture of mama @sweetnums to one of the most palpably tense arguments that’s been on this show. We start in the live studio with Chris saying hello to Kelley and saying, “It’s important that you’re here.” IS THIS FORESHADOWING CHRIS DON’T TOY WITH US WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT ALREADY. He then points out that Neil Lane who designs/gifts all the engagement rings is there too. Exhausted already. Buckle up my friends, the ending was a doozy.
We are still in Australia and Peter is getting that morning cardio in before apparently…proposing to Hannah Ann. It felt jarring since when we last left he wasn’t sure. He says it feels right with her, puts on a suit, and FaceTimes with her dad asking for their blessing. After weeks of dragging out minor events, all of that happened in like 20 seconds of footage.
Cut to HA getting ready in what looks like the ugliest hotel ever…did they have them stay at a Super8? Her dress is GOOD: white, silky, floor length…she literally looks like a chic bride. She voices her concerns (valid) about Peter saying his heart was being torn, how that was hurtful (valid), and confusing (valid). They show her in her gown laying on the bed the way you do when you get home after a LONG day.
Chris meets Peter on the weird proposal platform and says that he isn’t sure HA is coming at all. Peter says like he’s going to pass out. We then get him laying on a bed in a hut talking to a Producer (not a love interest, to be clear…that rumor was false) saying it doesn’t make sense she doesn’t want to come. Bro, she poured her heart out last night and you and your zip-up hoodie gave her nothing. Why would she be thrilled to come? Chris comes in with his suit coat off (apparently it’s hot in the desert) to tell him that she’s on her way.
Hannah greets Chris Harrison as Chris Harrison which I love because it’s what we all call him. And then we begin the mile long trek to the platform…in a gown…and heels…in the desert. Why do they always make them walk so far? She almost falls on the rocky terrain they’re making her hike through. When she gets there we have to listen to Peter’s heart again and she literally says, “A little bit of a hike to get here.” Live footage of HA walking to Peter:
Peter begins talking and saying phrases that could be depicted as him sending her home. You can tell that’s what she’s thinking. All of a sudden, he blurts out that Madison left 2 days ago. Not sure why that had to be included in this particular moment but here we are. He tells her he’s in love with her, proposes, and she is IN SHOCK. She almost has an odd reaction and I genuinely think it’s because she thought she was going home. They toast on a rock about being in love forever. Or until the after the final rose, whatevs.
We then get Peter telling his family about who he picked. Mom loses her ever loving mind when he comes in (even though they saw him about a week ago). Supposedly, they didn’t know before this moment who he chose. They’re all holding hands like a basketball team at March Madness, it’s absurd. Peter reveals he picked Hannah Ann and mom goes into full hysterics. ABC, you’re the worst.
He FaceTimes Hannah Ann and @sweetnums says, “How’s our daughter.” Oh my gosh this is so painful because you just know that this isn’t the end.
We are back in live studio and Peter is there. He looks like he has lived about 1000 lives since he first started the show. Graciously, they put their makeup artists to work and the scar looks like it isn’t literally breathing like it did during the season. They keep panning over to his parents who look like they’re going to murder him. Chris every so delicately asks if he was ever able to get over Madison. He says that’s his struggle. GIK.
We go back to footage of Hannah Ann and Peter meeting up. We start getting picture in picture of mama @sweetnums and truly, whoever had this idea should get an Emmy. Peter tells HA that he’s struggling because he never intended to give his heart to 2 people. Hannah is over his crap tells him it has to be 50/50…that she wants his love in return, “I’m asking if you can give that to me? “ Like you girl, get to the point.
Peter: I can’t do that.
Hannah Ann: You said be patient with me. Have trust in me. Have faith in me…because that is what you asked me to do. Why didn’t you just let me go instead of taking this away from me?
Peter: I’m sorry.
Hannah Ann: For what? For not being man enough to be true to your word?
YES QUEEN. Hannah Ann excuses herself and Peter chases her down. She says that she just needs someone who is true to their word. She brings up that this has affected a lot of people which is a great point. She stares him down and says, “I don’t need anything more from you. You have done enough damage. We’re done and I mean that.”
Meanwhile in the picture in picture, @sweetnums is literally cheering for her. You know you messed up BAD when your formerly obsessed with you mom is cheering for your ex as she dumps you. I love that HA stood her ground. He continued to handle it poorly so I’m glad she cut through his rambling and whining and just got to the point. She says he betrayed her (true) and gets in the car. BOY BYE.
Back in the studio and HA gets a huge round of applause when she comes out. @sweetnums is cheering her on big time. Peter goes in for a hug and she side hugs him with some major friend vibes energy. I just like this girl more and more. He’s bummed because her new hair extensions and her red FU dress are phenomenal.
She calls out all of his BS. She says that you signed up for this when you said you would be the Bachelor, you called my parents and said that it would have been the biggest mistake to let me go. Doug commentary: I have never seen a guy make so many poor choices in such a short period of time. The best point I think she made was calling him out for not telling her about the Madi situation before she said yes to a proposal. She said he could have had an open conversation with her about what she was walking into. “You downplayed your feelings for Maddie, you should have given me the chance to know what I was saying yes to.” YES GIRL YES.
Chris Harrison gives her the final word. She says that she should have noticed the red flags of HIM NEEDED TO CALL HANNAH B FOR CLOSURE. Can we just be done with Hannah Brown already? She continued that really 3 other women were part of their engagement: her, Madison, and Hannah B. Oh my goodness, ABC should put her on stipend for the amazing television she is creating right now.
Final jab: “If you want to be with a woman, you need to become a real man.” And the world broke out into thunderous applause. Thank you HA for putting words to what we have all been thinking this entire season. Cue me adding her to our Christmas card list…
What followed was insane. The drama was r-e-a-l. Sparknotes:
Chris Harrison goes to Auburn (did you know that Madison is from Auburn???) to see how she’s doing.
She says she’s still in love with Peter, regrets leaving, this has been the hardest thing she has ever gone through…uhmmm….
Chris tells her that he got engaged after she left Australia but that he’s single now.
She asks if he’s okay (nothing on HA though so coolcoolcool, women empowerment and stuff).
She blabs around that she’s so confused and that it’s “good” that he broke the engagement. You’re right Madison, from a Christian perspective it’s great he wasn’t a man of his word and couldn’t stick to his commitment, super great.
Chris Harrison asks what she’s thinking and she says that they’re going to LA. Magically she is apparently fine with everything she wasn’t fine with before. See you later principled stand it was fun while it lasted but I’m over it! xoxo, Madi
They show her ‘surprising’ Peter while he blankly stares at a pool. Sure. Lots of forehead touching and weirdness.
Know that the most important undertone of this entire segment is @sweetnums in the corner of the screen rolling her eyes anytime Madison talks. It was phenomenal TV.
Back in the studio and Peter says that they have talked but haven’t seen each other since that day. Madison comes out in an alarming hot pink dress and the same eyelashes. They say they’re in love with each other and not sure where it goes from here.
Chris Harrison finally gives the people what they want and asks @sweetnums what she’s thinking. MAMA BEAR MODE ENGAGED and she goes in. She calls out ABC saying that they didn’t show everything that happened the day they were supposed to meet Madison. She said that they waited for 3 hours and when she came in, she didn’t apologize. She said that day, Madison told her she was not in love and wouldn’t accept a proposal so that as a mom, you are going to choose the woman who is in love with your son. The entire time she’s speaking, Madison is weirdly smiling her down. It was BIZARRE. Not sure if it was just her being uncomfortable or what but could not have been worse optics to have mama talking about her being rude and her smugly smiling at her. Woof.
After a commercial break, Chris Harrison asks Madison to address what @sweetnums said. There would have been a way to stand your ground but saying, you’re right…3 hours is absurd, I’m so sorry about that. However, Madi doesn’t take that route. She takes the route of being indignant and saying, “It is what it is.” She’s lucky @sweetnums didn’t come up on stage and Jerry Springer her.
Chris goes to @sweetnums again and she reiterates that you are going to choose someone who loves your son vs. someone who told her she didn’t love him yet and MADISON INTERRUPTS HER AGAIN. Girl, you are just doing yourself zero favors. To me, you just don’t handle it that way. @sweetnums was aggressive for sure, but Madison this is his mom. You don’t interrupt her and talk about how you aren’ t going to change who you are and this process is about you too…don’t worry, we knew you thought it was all about you. It bothers me that Madison has taken on the persona that anyone who disagrees with her is trying to change her. No, people just have different beliefs…it isn’t about you.
Peter asks his mom to stop and says he loves Madison. Like, what happens after this? Do you just go to family dinner and act like you didn’t just drag out fight on national TV? And that’s it. It ends in this really weird who know what will happen state. Just not seeing how this will work…not only are they so extremely different (mom wasn’t wrong about that), but how do you move forward when these are some of your first interactions as a ‘family’?
What an exhausting season…and I’m guessing for nothing. I really would be shocked if this works out but we shall see. I wish Chris Harrison hadn’t lied to us about why Kelley/Neil Lane were in the studio. I wish for Peter to visit a really good med spa and get that scar taken care of. I wish for Madison to choose a different mascara and to stop weaponizing her Christianity. I wish for @sweetnums to go back to her old hairstyle. I wish for Hannah Ann a fabulous life in LA and to date Tyler C. The end.
Finale, Part 2:
STYLE MOMENT: Hannah Ann’s dress at the proposal and her red hot dress at After the Final Rose. Dang girl.
QUOTE I’M ADDING TO MY LIFE: “Words are powerful Peter. Either you don’t mean what you say or you don’t understand the weight of your words. and how they impact people…so which is it?” -HA
THE REAL MVP: Whoever in production decided to keep a camera on @sweetnums the entire episode. Oh and baby kangaroos (still).
WINNER WINNER: Hannah Ann. For being an eloquent, fierce narrator of this ridiculous story and not having to be engaged to Peter + his foolishness.
Thanks to all of you for reading along, sending me funny messages/memes, and appreciating this absurdness just as much as I do. You are my favorite.
Sincerley,
Ashley