Pilot Peter • Episode 10
Some random rose ceremony + The Women Tell All
The episode starts with Chris Harrison finally earning that paycheck with a live studio audience. We have a nice collection of fake signs and graphic tees that were clearly planted with random people. To the lady in the crowd wearing a pilot hat, this is the bottom for you madam.
We start with Victoria getting ready who talks about how Peter’s love is very pure. Which, barf. We then get Hannah Ann(a) who talks about wanting to meet his family and ‘dive deeper.’ Following this is Peter having a dude chat with Chris Harrison and crying because he isn’t sure he handled the week the right way. Can we not continue to allow Madison to derail this whole thing? That would be great.
Victoria and Hannah Ann walk up individually and weirdly recount their recent dates to Chris. Not sure why they’re building this up so much and treating it like the final episode buuuut here we are. They show Hannah Ann and Victoria hanging out on the random spot where the rose ceremony will be. I continue to be amazed that after this many seasons, the rose ceremony/proposal spots still look so hideous. We get what feels like an hour of Peter walking around and staring off into the distance as he wonders if Madison is going to show up. All I can think of is can someone get this poor guy some Neosporin? The scar looks angered to be in Australia and has flared. It’s incredibly difficult not to look at.
Throughout this whole time, there is only 1 rose on the pedestal. Victoria (who looks phenomenal in a cream floor length gown) finally asks, “Where’s Madi” and Hannah Ann just looks worried. Don’t worry, Madison shows up so all of that worry (slash last episode) for nothing.
Vic: She’s here.
Hannah Ann: Oh.
Chris asks how she is and she says, “Not great.” Madison, can you calm down this isn’t all about you. We are back to real bad earrings and, the eyelashes which I simply…cannot. She takes her spot and Peter finally rejoins the group. He’s crying and shares how grateful he is for each of their relationships and says that the thought of hurting one of them is “destroying him.”
First rose goes to Hannah Ann, second rose goes to Madison. She waits about a year to walk forward after he calls her name but finally does. She’s crying, he’s crying but she accepts. He asks if she’s sure which, good sign everyone. Apparently her principled stand was just for last episode. They hug and it’s at this point that the mic picks up someone’s heartbeat and it sounds like they just got done on the treadmill. For whatever reason, HA is crying now too.
Peter goes and chats with Victoria who says that she feels stupid. She throws a little sass in just for good measure and says, “I don’t want to hear it…I really don’t.” They keep it short before he walks her to the limo. In the car she cries and says that she just really was hoping to find love. The end. Peter goes back to HA and Madison and they do an awkward somewhat sad toast. Madison says, “Here’s to seeing if love can conquer all.” And, Madison still speaking in gushy cliches ladies and gents.
That’s it for the actual show. We are back in the studio audience and of course Chris shares that it was one of the most emotional rose ceremonies he’s ever seen. This is why they pay this man thousands of dollars.
The Women Tell All was an absolute nightmare. Here are the highlights:
Noticeably, Natasha and Kelley were missing…I’m guessing because they were both fairly vocal about how dumb Peter is.
Alayalayayah was there and still horrible. She ‘defended’ herself by saying she’s just as obnoxious in real life as she is on camera. Okay?
Savannah realllly trying to get on paradise and calling our Vic P (who looked amazing).
Within the first 5 minutes they all start talking at once and Chris Harrison just watches and smiles. Sir, you’re useless. Please moderate this hot garbage.
Many of the girls attack Tammy but then yell at her for shaming their emotions. Headscratch.
Kelsey does an after school special about being called emotional and ironically, starts crying during it. Don’t worry, Mykenna was there to rub her leg. THESE GIRLS ARE NOT NORMAL.
Mykenna says, “How dare you” to Tammy about 10 times right before insulting America. Coolcoolcool.
Chris Harrison talks to Kelsey who is then greeted by Ashley I who is apparently a former contestant also known for being emotional. She cheers Kelsey on for standing up against the emotion shamers. EYEROLL she wasn’t shaming her emotions, she was saying it’s not super normal to cry for days straight over a guy you barely know. They give her a giant bottle of champagne which she dances with-the video of which should be added to UrbanDictionary under cringey.
They show Chris Harrison, Peter, and Peter’s parents crashing Bachelor watching parties. Chris Harrison is taking photos of Peter with randoms on a point and shoot like an Aunt at a graduation. These people have pilot costumes on, windmill shaped rice krispy treats, and Peter themed decorations. UHM. As if that wasn’t awkward enough, we end this time filler with his parents hooking up in the back seat of the car. I might have to stop watching this show.
We have dudes in the audience this time around including a group from Grove City College who all look like they’re the Chairpeople of the Calculus team.
Peter comes out. Scar is healed at least…Kelsey is crying just seeing him. Thanks him for accepting her. Victoria says she’s sorry for putting him through what she did. He says, “Love is patient.” AKA he’s with Madison so there’s that. I’m guessing he’s reaaal bummed about his decision considering how red hot Victoria looks.
Rachel Lindsay shows up so ABC can remind us that they did have a person of color as the Bachelorette. She addresses online harassment by reading some of the DMs that the girls have gotten. To be clear, the messages were absolutely horrible…but this entire segment felt so out of place for some reason. And, it made me me wish they took their own advice (as much of it was racially focused) and had chosen a Bachelorette who was more diverse.
We get a preview of the finale which is going to be 2 episodes. Nothing really new there…Peter wandering through the desert, Chris with bad news, Peter telling someone he’s so sorry, and @sweetnums crying while telling him to bring someone home.
At the end we got to watch Kelsey awkwardly show audience members how to get champagne sprayed in their face including a frat boy, a Karen, and an elderly woman who might need rescuing. Giant sigh.
Episode 10:
STYLE MOMENT: During the short episode part, Victoria’s cream dress was insane. Looked amazing on her. During the After the Final Rose, she didn’t represent the best but Sydney’s updated hairstyle and black sequin dress was fire.
QUOTE I’M ADDING TO MY LIFE: “As a medical professional…” | “You’re a dermatologist.”
THE REAL MVP: Natasha and Kelley for being above this hot mess.
WINNER WINNER: My theory is that Madison leaves before the rose ceremony. He doesn’t propose to Hannah Ann. He asks Madison on live TV if she would date him.
Anyone else bored with this? Also Clare something is the new Bachelorette. WHO?
Sincerely,
Ashley