Pilot Peter • Episode 9
Australia wasn’t ready for this nonsense.
Episode starts at the rose ceremony from last week after Madison asks Peter if she can chat with him for a bit. First off, she needs a different mascara. I think she has pretty eyes but I’m always distracted by her clumpy situation. She tells Peter it would probably be difficult for her to continue on the show if he slept with someone else. Peter says that he ‘kind of needs to know’…she hem haws around it until finally he says that it wouldn’t be fair to the other relationships (aka he wants to fantasy suite with Victoria).
Madison, I 100% support your morals and decision but then why the Bachelor? You know the nature of this show…why put yourself in this position? But, now that you have, stand up for it. Don’t just sit here and say, “I don’t know” when he asks you what your standard is. She tells him that actions speak louder than words but happens not to share that she has made the decision to save herself until marriage. Again, fine with the choice but then perhaps you should of had this chat AWHILE ago. Her talking head says a lot when she shares, “There’s a chance he could lose me.” Okay girlfriend, okay. And with that we are off to Australia!
Australia begins with Peter hitting all marketing points: pristine beaches, amazing wildlife, picturesque mountains…all this while he is wearing a button down with the most aggressive pattern of birds on it. We cut to the women who are staying in the same room. This doesn’t happen. Usually from hometown dates on, the gals only come in contact with each other at the rose ceremonies. I’m telling you, forget the devil, THE BACHELOR PRODUCERS WORK HARDER.
Madison: How did your hometowns go?
Victoria (coldly): Yea, good.
Victoria’s hometown date in reality:
Peter comes in and calls them Shelias. He’s wearing trunks which look like a Kmart special. Doug commentary, “I am just not seeing why women are attracted to him.” Peter goes on to name the obvious and say this week might be a bit awkward…you could cut the tension with a dull butter knife. Madison is in turmoil saying that he has some big decisions to make because, “I shared what I needed to share.” I actually don’t think you shared what you did but coolcoolcool. Not in to ultimatums.
First date is with Hannah Ann and they take some jet skis for a spin. They end up on a private beach and WHAT A NOVEL CONCEPT, she asks him how he’s doing with everything. Unlike the other two women left, she doesn’t make the entire date about her and asks how he’s feeling/dealing with this week etc. It was sad that her consideration of him vs. just focusing inward was so striking.
Back at the hotel, Victoria asks Madison how she’s doing. I’m sorry, did I say ask? I meant drops some bread crumbs for a meltdown to see what will happen. She’s struggling. It’s so very awkward.
Evening portion of the date time and Hannah Ann(a) is rocking a flowing pink floral high low. I’m usually not a fan of this feature on dresses but for some reason she pulled it off.
Quick cut to the hotel room=Victoria just out her crushing dreams one by one.
Madison: They’re probably getting ready for dinner tonight.
Victoria: …or getting ready for bed.
We cut back to HA and Peter and they’re faking having dinner while talking about their feelings. She is gushing about how much she loves him and sees a future with him. He presents the date card for her to read. I have always found it awkward that this card is from Chris Harrison. ODD. They head to the Penthouse Suite complete with a hot tub on the balcony. Eventually they’re Titanic-ing in the bathroom door and the rest is history.
Oddly, we didn’t get the next-morning-waking-up-chat. Instead, they show Hannah Ann coming back to join the group at the hotel. Madison is still freaking out about the potential of him with the other women (newsflash, it happened ), Victoria is still loving it.
Madison: I’m losing it.
Victoria: Oh yea? [Insert evil smile]
Totally see why the women don’t typically stay together because how.very.painful. They ask HA about their date and she just says, “It went really well.” Crickets.
Time for Victoria and essentially the date Peter’s been waiting for. He tells her that he sees the fight in her…well yea, you have fought every time you have interacted. He says that he wants a clean slate and to not look back. Petey Propellers, we all know why you kept her around but goodness. This girl is a walking, breathing red flag and you’re just looking right past it. They hug, she talks in her fake voice, they hug, she says she got makeup on his white shirt. THIS SEASON NEEDS TO END POST HASTE.
He tells her their date is going to be a helicopter ride which she all of a sudden isn’t afraid of. They fly over the Australian Gold Coast and Peter says that he has loved everything about their relationship other than communicating. Again, we know why she is here this week. They go find a waterfall for an awkward picnic on rocks where he says he feels sorry he didn’t get to meet her family. Shall we rewind and remember a-why you didn’t meet her family? Why are YOU apologizing? They celebrate that today has been “going good” because they haven’t even fought yet. Y’all haven’t even been on a date in the real world and you’re already fighting how is this ever going to work?
Evening part of their date and Victoria says that she doesn’t open up to him about her feelings because of her past relationship. She said he never asked how she was feeling so when Peter does she gets defensive. Surely. She falls back into her same old crap, “I don’t know…I don’t know…I’m trrryyyyiiinnng. I don’t know what you want.” THAT WHINE THO. He literally has to dip down to meet her eyes because she won’t make eye contact with him. She cries again and tells him that she’s trying. She has said this same phrase on every date…what are you trying so hard with? You have had a healthy supply of free champagne and dates in foreign countries what has been so difficult?
She tells Peter she knows he’s good for her and that she wants to be good for him (nope) and says sorry. All is well that ends well and while she’s not actively crying or running away, Peter quickly gives her the envelope for the fantasy suite. She reads the card and says, “What do you think?” Peter:
In her talking head, she’s crying. Again. Also again, we go through the same cycle. She acts nuts, she realizes it, she apologizes, she talks about how he has had to deal with her. This time around, she says she loves him so much and acknowledges she has put him through so much. Cut to: Madison pacing in the hotel room. She says that it’s a black and white situation (loooot a grey here). Girl, I hate to tell you what he’s doing right this second…
Next is footage of morning Peter and Victoria talking about how great the night before was. He says that they are in a place he knew they could get to (they cut out the rest of that sentence which I’m sure was …if she ever stopped acting so batty, like comma ever). Victoria, presiding CEO of mood swings says she was falling in love with him but now, she’s IN love with him. Surely. Her talking head says that they are so very connected now and she calls him her person.
He checks out her butt as she’s walking away and says that it feels so easy with her. Morningness must be fogging your brain Peter because this girl has been anything but a simple dating situation. She goes back to the hotel where they all exchange the most phony greetings including, “You look so skinny.” Ladies, we are sometimes the worst to each other I hate to say. Cue more terrible awkardness.
Madison: Did you like get any of the like clarity you needed?
Victoria: It was…productive.
Madison: [Excuses self]
Final date is with Madison. She says that she has missed him “so freaking much” (everything with her is freaking which, hard pass). They do one of those crazy bridge climbs where Madison starts speaking in the style of those inspirational poems you see hanging in dull offices. All I could picture was some scenic photo with the following quotes she said at the bottom:
Are we going to take our relationship to higher heights?
Everything that’s worth it is uphill…it’s going to come with a fight and a struggle.
Once you get to the top and see that view, it’s all worth it.
Sometimes the wind is against you and the world is against you…
Like, can we stop talking in like posters please? She goes on to say that apparently climbing the bridge (aka stepping out of a small window) made her realize that he could be the father of her kids. Okedoke. She says that she wants to tell him a lot of things. Wondering if we could do that later? As in, not when we are sitting at the top of this terrifying lookout.
Back in the hotel, we get Victoria and Hannah Ann(a) discussing the ‘expectations’ that Madison shared with Peter. It’s here that we find out that they both know she is saving herself for marriage. HA tells Victoria that Madi did not share that with Peter and it looks like Vic might unhinge herself. She says that it isn’t fair to put him in that position and on the spot with other relationships which are private. For the first time since this series started, I somewhat agree with what she’s saying. While Madison’s stance is fine, it’s a bit of a large expectation (on this show) to think he will shut everything else down for her views.
Evening portion of the date and Madison says that they are really going to figure this whole thing out together. Hate to break it to you but if you’re sticking with those standards, it’s already been figured out for you. She drops the bomb on him that she’s saving herself for marriage. Peter says that he respects her decision to do that and also says, “…that’s not me.” Yea Peter, we got that. Windmills etc.
He asks her what her expectations are of him. She says that she wouldn’t be able to accept an engagement if he has slept with other women. Peter clarifies that she would be willing to walk away from their forever over this week’s…activities. She hesitates. Here’s my thing: you signed up for this. Your commitment to your morals is great, but you literally signed up for a show that has a fantasy suites week. She tells him that she isn’t okay with a man kissing other women, that she has sacrificed and compromised a lot for him. GIRL, you picked the wrong show. This guy is literally known for doing something with someone 4 times and you are just now saying all this?
Peter says that he wants to be honest and that he has been intimate with other people. Madison cries and walks off. She says that she feels really hurt, “Because I made it very clear that there was a chance he could lose me if he made certain decisions and he made them anyway.” I guess I don’t understand why she gets to dictate that? Good for her for sticking up for her values, but 1. probably not the show to sign up for then 2. a little late in the game for this I feel and 3. just because those are your choices doesn’t mean that they are automatically his as well.
Peter gets up to go find her. Love seeing the production people scurrying around in the background. Peter comes and they both cry. She says she’s hurt, he apologizes (so now you’re apologizing for essentially doing what the show is?) He asks her not to walk away. She walks away.
TO BE CONTINUED.
In the preview we get the women tell all preview. Weirdly, they don’t play clips from the actually show (as usual) but clips from past episodes of them fighting. That makes me think whoever is eliminated in the rose ceremony at the beginning of next week is on the Women Tell All. We see Peter’s mom crying again and this time around, him apologizing to someone before walking away. @sweetnums who are you talking about? Madison? Will be interesting to see how this ends because if Madison leaves the show but ends up with Peter anyway what happened to that principled stand of hers?
Episode 09:
STYLE MOMENT: Meh. It all looked so very Forever 21 this week. Victoria’s simple work out outfit might have been my favorite out of anything. Madison’s spangly dresses are starting to feel a bit Deb-esque for me.
QUOTE I’M ADDING TO MY LIFE: “If you decide to forgo your individual rooms” (except scratch that because all the girls stayed together. XOXO, Chris Harrison.
THE REAL MVP: Chris Harrison who didn’t show up one time in this episode and was probably still paid thousands of dollars.
WINNER WINNER: I think he likes Madison the most but not impressed with her in this episode. Hopes=he picks her somehow. She says yes. Hannah Ann is Bachelorette.
Can’t wait to watch Kelsey cry and Tammy destroy someone at the Women Tell All next week. Buckle up.
Sincerely,
Ashley