Pilot Peter • Episode 6
“I’m more madly in love with who I am than anything.”
We are headed to Chile my friends! Peter speaks Spanish and then says that it’s going to get hot and spicy…”let the romance commence.” I hear these things coming out of his mouth but even he himself looks uncomfortable saying them. They show him acting floored by the Hyatt that they’re staying in and mentally figuring out who he wants to kiss in the bathtub that’s in his room.
The girls are brunching and it isn’t long before Mykenna launches into some kind of weird speech (per usual). Also per usual, she starts crying because “he just isn’t seeing her” both of which are met with the most long, audible sigh from Kelley. Vic F. goes in hard on Mykenna for pulling Peter aside pre-rose ceremony. Her talking head is BRUTAL. She does an impression of Mykenna whining and ends it with a “shut the eff up.” Mykenna’s hysterics aside, it makes Vic F. look like the biggest mean girl on the planet. Back to this awkward brunch and Vic F. saying, “Don’t let it happen again…but that’s my opinion” AKA I’m going to tell you what to do, but that’s just my opinion. Please kick this girl off, over her.
Peter joins them and asks Hannah Ann(a) on a date. As they’re leaving someone says “I’m happy for her.” Natasha blurts out, “I’m not.” Even though it’s never come up, her talking head questions if Hannah Ann Banana is ready for this because of her age. Natasha, you have been great. Don’t spoil your track record by being one of the meanies. Your issue is 1). that YOU want a one-on-one date and 2). with Peter for not picking you…this isn’t about Hannah Ann. The wheels are coming off. They’re getting more emotional, more sensitive, and more catty by the second. Want to see a bunch of girls lose their ever loving minds? Emotionally rollercoast them for weeks, add jet lag, and make them live out of a suitcase. HEADS WILL ROLL.
Peter and Hannah Ann’s date is wandering around the streets of Chile. They dance in the center of the city and smash a hot dog into each other’s face (which props to her for just rolling with it I feel like that would have made some of the other girls in this house come unglued). This is the episode where we get a local couple talking to them about what love looks like. They say Hannah Ann(a) is young but beautiful. They share that being together for a long period of time requires tolerance, patience, and love. Peter is assured by this and takes it as a statement on his relationship with HA.
They take a ride to the top of a mountain where she reveals that she hasn’t been “in love” before. This scares Peter and makes him question if she’s ready for something like this. During fake dinner at night, he peppers her with questions about why she hasn’t been in love, if she’s ready, why she thinks she ready etc. To be honest, this kind of bothered me. He has all of these overly emotional, dramatic girls running around and the one that seems fairly sane and genuinely nice he questions. Apparently Kelsey’s instability, Vic F.’s dramatics/Chase Rice situation, Kelley literally saying she isn’t sure if she wants to be here…none of those are problems. But her not being IN LOVE? Time for an interrogation. To be clear, she was in a relationship for 3.5 years, but they just weren’t in love. This happens all the time Peter, she’s a human.
He says he needs a minute and goes to stand outside in a weird courtyard. Sir, you’re worried about her not being ready? You are not ready. Instead of discussing your concerns vs. hammering her with questions, you decided to leave. Eventually HA gets up to go find him. She has a bit of a break down and shares that she really cares for him. I guess this is what he was looking for because Peter says this is what he wants to see, says he understands her now, and gives her a rose. I do not understand this show.
At the house, Mykenna is losing it. I know, alert the presses, she’s crying. She is worried about not getting attention from him. Date cards come and she is included on the group date again which induces full on meltdown mode. She questions if she should leave (yes). The other girls are just mad because Vic F. got the one-on-one. Don’t trust her friends, she is figuratively and literally looking more like a villain every time we see her.
The group date is at a sound stage where they’re filming a telenovela. The characters are all in love with Peter other than Kelley who is his grandma…oh wait, no she literally says “incest is best.” Kelley, that made you lose some points with me but I still think you’re great. Essentially each scene is their character proclaiming their love for Peter while Mykenna feather dusts around in the background as the maid. Sydney is a hot nurse and they swallow each other’s tongues and Kelsey clearly thinks this is real life. Mykenna is upset because Peter’s character doesn’t notice her…so she feels like she can really identify with her character (cue a huge eye roll from me). In the end, he realizes that she has been there the whole time, proclaims his love for her, and they straddle kiss. Girl is going for it. Favorite part? Chris Harrison coming in as Pedro’s dad complete with mustache.
MORAL OF ENTIRE TELENOVELA: Tammy’s hair is absolutely fantastic.
At night, they all gather in what has to be one of Trump’s properties-GOLD EVERYWHERE to cry, slam champagne, and yell at each other. He chats with Vic P. and out of nowhere, says that she isn’t his future wife and sends her home. I 100% understand why she is confused and frustrated…and I didn’t understand why this had to happen at this point? It couldn’t wait until the rose ceremony? So, you’re saying Mykenna, Natasha, Tammy ARE potential wife material for you Peter? I kind of love that Vic P. gets fired up and asks for a car/cab because she wants to leave. Peter wants to walk her out, “I don’t need you to walk me out Peter.” Clearly she just want to go, but he has to stop her to tell her this is hard, that she is going to make someone happy someday etc. Again, the emotional intelligence to read the situation is just not there.
He comes back in and is ‘sad’ until he’s with Madison-alls well that ends well, byyyye Vic P. He wrote a script for them and says something about kissing her with the passion of Chilean suns…oh my gosh the corny crap he says…I’m trying to can but I just cannot. Again, Madison, friend to friend you need to go buy some product for your hair. Sephora has quick shipping-get it sent to your Hyatt Express. Also, I’m bored by her. She isn’t one of the mean girls but also isn’t compelling in any way.
While they kiss they hear yelling and that’s because Mykenna and Tammy are THROWING down upstairs. Tammy points out that Mykenna is all of a sudden on top of the world when that morning she was literally packing her bags. Valid Tammy, but these girls are off the wall nuts so maybe not the crowd to push. Mykenna does so many hand gestures and head bobs I can’t keep up. Kelsey keeps interjecting herself and in the end is frustrated with Tammy for “bringing her into these situations” (even though Tammy kept saying Kelsey I’m not speaking to you.
Here’s my theory: there is nothing romantic going on between Tammy and Peter. Nothing. I’m sure she’s one that the producers have asked him to keep around. However, I do think she is probably one of the only real friends he has in the house. She’s saying all the tea that the other girls are pasting on smiles about so they don’t rock the boat. I think she has realized she isn’t actually going to be with him, so she’s going to call stuff out and go down guns blazing.
Mykenna confides in Peter that Tammy was mean to her. He carefully says that he trusts her intentions (aka he doesn’t like her but knows she wants to be there). They friend hug and nothing happens. He gives the group date rose to Madison who he has to ask to hug him…like, do none of these girls like him? Of course, this throws Mykenna for a loop who immediately goes from saying this is the best day of her life to questioning ev-er-y-thing again. Girlfriend, this emotional flip-flop is exactly what Tammy was saying.
Time for one-on-one date with Vic F. I think she has a cold or allergies because in her talking head she sounds majorly congested. They go bond with horses meaning they walk under them? Peter blabs about being super in to her…body…whoops, no, scratch that. They heart to heart it on a wagon in the middle of a field. She is all of a sudden having a hard time (because of the other girls of course) and alludes to that she goes back and forth on even staying. Guess what happens? She starts crying. Oh my gosh, I feel like we as the audience and friggin Peter have spent hours now just comforting women who are in tears. Hey Peter, no grill session for her? She just said she thinks about leaving but what you’re worried about is that Hannah Ann(a) hasn’t been in love?
Apparently Peter’s bad stylist came along to Chile because the sweater is roughhhh during the evening part of their date. We start with both of them saying they had a great date. Really? She cried on a trailer after playing with some horses. Peter asks if she knows why he asked her on another date: I just wanted to spend time with you. Um, thank you yes, that’s why you go on dates with people. Will let y’all back to your IQ meeting. He questions her on if she really wants to be there. Her response: that maybe he would be happier with someone who is more open. RED FLAGS FLYING PEDRO. It’s at this point that Vic F. gets irritated and turns her sass level to 1000:
Peter: I’m not trying to insult you.
Vic: Mmmhmmm.
Peter: I want you to feel just as confident about us. If that’s not the case you have to be honest with yourself and honest with me.
Vic: Okay, I get it Peter!
STORMS OFF. She cries in the bathroom to Producers and he talks to someone at the table. She says he doesn’t deserve for her to act like this (truth) and is trying soooo hard (um, okay). Peter is saying he feels like he can’t get anywhere with her and doesn’t know what to do…you could send her home. That’s the entire premise of this preposterous show.
Vic: I wish I could get to the point where I knew my own issues so that you didn’t have to deal with them.
Peter: I’m okay with it.
AND THIS SUMS HIM UP. Girls literally showing him they’re not ready for this, him being okay with it. Don’t worry, he gives her a rose. At the end of this I physically threw my hands up in the air. Peter, I kind of wish we were friends in real life so I could come yell at you for being really dumb, for real.
Drummmmrollll it’s time for the hallowed 2-on-1 date. The date card says: enough is enough. Peter? Assertive? NO. When they announce it’s Mykenna and Tammy, Mykenna makes an announcement that she doesn’t stand for “this stuff in my life” and again, starts crying. Put her out of her misery and just send her home already.
On the date Mykenna says, “I want to say something to you and please don’t interrupt me. You made me find my voice and I am a strong woman and I will not let people like you tear me down anymore…end of he day I’m proud of who I am. Kindness wins. Love wins.” It was like she googled buzz phrases to say.
Tammy tells Peter about Mykenna packing her bags and starting hashtags for her brand. Mykenna (who was going to leave) says to Peter that leaving would have been the biggest mistake of her life. Complete 180. She comes back to where Tammy is sitting and tries to imply that she is caught up in drama (says the girl who has cried every single episode about not going on a date).
Mykenna said the following phrases…because she is 22:
I’m not the villain of the season honey.
Shut up.
I gotta stand up for myself.
I can’t with you.
You are nothing to me.
Peter comes in and says he can’t keep them both. Because he’s a true dummy, he says he trusts Mykenna and asks if he can walk Tammy out. How you KNOW Mykenna is out of her mind=her evil smiling and clapping as Peter walks Tammy out. You’re gross. BabyMykenna rejoins the group. Her and the other girls talk like this stuff with Tammy has been going on for weeks on end. They literally started fighting this episode, calm down. Tammy leaves and in the car says, He’s looking for a trophy wife and that’s not me. I think her statement is fair.
Rose ceremony time. The girls all make their last desperate attempts to convince him that they should stay. In an unexpected turn of events, Kelsey starts crying. Again. He ends up sending Sydney from the plastics home and…MYKENNA. Girl, bye. When she didn’t get a rose, she literally pouted. You’re a baby, go home and collect yourself. Their parting words after getting kicked off the show was extremely telling about both of them:
Sydney: It sucks he didn’t get to see all of Sydney.
Mykenna (while sobbing): This girl right here is tough and strong and she is powerful and she’s beautiful and she knows what she deserves more than anything. Even though I wanted to end up here in love I feel like I’m more madly in love with who I am than anything.
And as Mykenna finished speaking, we all jumped onto Team Tammy because boo boo, you cray.
Episode 06:
STYLE MOMENT: Tammy. Tammy in the in the telenovela, Tammy in the sparkly dress on the group date, Tammy in the black dress during the 2-on-1. Dang girl, you looked amazing.
QUOTE I’M ADDING TO MY LIFE: “You’re nothing to me.” Response: “I’m everything.” Oh my goodness these women are truly treasures.
THE REAL MVP: The cute Chilean couple. Thanks for putting up with this mess.
WINNER WINNER: He seems all about Madison right now…
Two in one week. You’re a real cruel one ABC.
Sincerely,
Ashley